I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
