You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
