six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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