I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
