dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
