remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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