i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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