I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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