Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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