I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
