Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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