guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
