Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
