When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
is it fun? or sober?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
