it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
