I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I didn't notice because vodka
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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