hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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