Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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