sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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