The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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