i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
