i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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