i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
it's not cheating when I paid for it
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
that is very illegal...i love you.
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