How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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