haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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