I met the friendliest cop last night
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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