I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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