she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
