He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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