Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
