I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Actions speak louder than pants.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
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