I like my sex mixed with concussions.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
