Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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