I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
