i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
