just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
where are you?
Hypothermia
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Randomize
