I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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