His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
