man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
