I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
he thought i was a dude.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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