My nipple is on Facebook.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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