dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize
