You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Success! We fucked roommates!
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
