great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
