it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
