They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
