Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
This baby is an asshole
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
