That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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