Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
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