so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Randomize
