why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
